Dear Dr. Jann: I can’t stand my wife’s fiancée. My children 8, 10, and 12 are not in danger when they spend time with him and their mother, but I worry about the values that they’re teaching my kids during the 50 percent of the time that my kids are there. Please help.
Dr. Jann says: I know this is a tough one, but if the other parent has 50 percent parenting time, the kids are probably safe in the other home, and not “having the same values” is not a reason to remove the children or decrease the other parent’s parenting time. You have to trust that their other parent loves them just as much as you do and will make decisions in their best interest. If you have proof that the kids are in danger, there are agencies to help. This would include, but not limited to physical discipline that leaves bruises, or no electricity or food in the home, a history of tardiest or excessive absences to school, but “values” are relative. The best thing you can do is compare notes, do your best to stay on the same page with your child’s other parent, and have a forum for conflict resolution in place so that you both have a way to solve problems should you be faced with a disagreement.
Editor’s Note: For a more in-depth look into problem solving with your ex, click here one of Dr. Jann’s articles on the subject. http://bonusfamilies.com/guidelines-for-problem-solving-with-an-ex/