If you want to know how to coParent with a narcissist, first make sure you are actually dealing with a “real” and not perceived narcissist.
If in fact, you are dealing with a genuine case of narcissism, then the best course of action will in all likelihood would be intervention, usage of a third party neutral, mediation and counseling. There will also be a lot of very hard work by each party in order to transcend the disorder or illness and be child centered in your coParenting.
If you want to learn how to coParent with a really difficult person that is a pony with different stripes… First, don’t add fuel to the fire by being a name caller. Take a step away from the conflict in order to access the best use of your emotional, financial and physical resources. Once you have taken inventory or stock of your life, then you are better equipped to let the things that really don’t matter to you slide. Why incite a fight when it is something that you may not really care about?
Next, slowly perhaps but with deliberateness you begin to communicate in small bits of information or requests. When your coParent is responsive, the outcome is positive. Not because you got your way but because it is a child centered approach.
Praise your coParenter with sincerity. Expand the dialog over time and consider inviting a third party who is neutral to assist you and your coParenter to be able to sort through decision making without running back to court.
Whatever you do, don’t call names or affix false labels. Bones may not be broken but words can sting and are incendiary, capable of burning up every hope or expectation of child centric decision making.
Author Judge Sherrill Ellsworth is the Chief Community Officer for coParenter.com, the sister site of KidsBeforeConflict.com. Ellsworth is the Past Presiding Judge of Riverside County, a Judicial Educator and former Family Law Judge. After almost 20 years on the bench , she has earned a reputation for being a straight-forward, no-nonsense, fair judicial officer. A broadly talented jurist and settlement expert, Judge Ellsworth has effectively handled complex civil litigation cases, family law, felony criminal trials, probate and general trials throughout her almost 30 years of lawyering and judging. Judge Ellsworth was one of the court’s most respected and admired bench officers, earning the trust and revere of her colleagues and the lawyers who appeared before her. In 2014 she was named the Lawyer of the year by the J.Rueben Clark Law Society Los Angeles Chapter; for her Judicial leadership she was named as an Inductee to Western State University Hall of Fame. In 2013, Judge Ellsworth was awarded the Douglas Weathers Judicial Leadership Award by the California Consumer Attorneys , as well as various awards for her judicial leadership both as Presiding Judge and for Family Law. In 1999, she was named the American Business Women’s Association Woman of the Year for Judicial Leadership. Judge Ellsworth was appointed vice-chair of the California Court Case Management System Justice Partner Advisory Committee in 2010. She was a member of the Strategic Evaluation Committee appointed by the Chief Justice and of the council’s Trial Court Budget Working Group, Trial Court Presiding Judges Advisory Committee, Family and Juvenile Law Advisory Committee, and Task Force on Self-Represented Litigants.