You and your spouse have decided to split up for the sake of the kids. Children model what they see. Even babies are active players in the world.
They may not understand the meaning of what they see or hear, but children absorb the images that surround them, and they are profoundly impacted by the emotions of the people they rely on for love and security.
When those emotions are spinning out of control on an adult level, the message and effect on kids can be traumatic.
While divorce is no picnic either, you are showing your kids that while you have done all you could to make it work, you value yourself, your spouse, and them enough to search for a better way to live. And yes, that can include divorce.
Divorce will probably be stressful, sad, and confusing. Kids may feel uncertain or angry at the idea of their folks splitting up. Your job is to make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids deal with divorce means providing stability in your home as well as listening and responding to your children’s needs with a reassuring, positive attitude.
Your children are learning to cope with a new life. Provide routines they can depend on. Reinforce the thought that they can rely on you for stability, structure, and love. If possible, maintain a coParenting relationship with your ex, so you can help kids avoid the stress created when parents are in conflict.
Excerpt from DIVORCE is a PUSH UP: Get Strong to Get Through. ©2016 Laura Aiello
Author Laura Aiello is a divorce strategist and coach for people who are facing the drastic life change of ending a relationship and want to do it in a holistic, growth-oriented way. As an author and speaker, as well as coach, she believes in educating people on the decision making process, the “job” of divorce and, most importantly, how the challenges presented can be used to create a fuller, more realized life. As founder of The Divorce Strategist, Laura pulls on all your strengths, as well as turning your perceived “failures” into valuable lessons. This practical, solution based formula is the basis of her coaching practice today.
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